Internal monologue of a character in an awkward situation

I think the title is self explanatory for this week. I chose to use the story of mistaken identity after my wife reminded me of a hilarious situation; the situation of Guy Goma on the BBC. While I have used the real story and some of the real names also, please be aware that this is fiction and just my own writing for fun. If there are any issues, please feel free to reach out.

Mistaken Identity

Today is a very important day for me. I’m going for an interview at one of the largest television companies in the world, the BBC. As I walk through the doors that could be the start of my new life I’m obviously very nervous and I feel a bit warm under the collar as I walk to the front desk to let them know I have arrived. “Hello, I’m here for an interview.” I smile politely and await the response from the lady at the desk. “Name?” she replies; which I give, “Just take a seat here please and someone will be down to fetch you soon.” And so I waited, ensuring the lapel of my suit was flattened; after all first impressions count right?

A man appeared and spoke to the receptionist, she pointed at me and so I knew my time for the interview was here. They conversed a bit further, possibly just asking if she’d seen ID or something else before he sauntered over to me, straightening his tie as he did so. Was my tie straight enough I thought at the time but it was too late to check now.

“Guy?” The man said inquisitively. I confirmed that was my name, he shook my hand and started to lead me down a corridor. I counted the doors as we went to try and find a way to calm myself before what could be a great life changing opportunity at a new job.

I could feel the constant side eye as the bloke was looking at me over and over again and it was making me feel self conscious. Did I have food on my face or something much worse? Maybe the man was just racist and so I’m never going to get this job and this is just a formality. Either way, I still need to give it my best shot.

The interview room looked very odd to me, it looked like a full TV set. Cameras were set up, pointing in the direction of where I was sitting and across from me was a lady I recognised though I couldn’t place her from where. I shook her hand and she shuffled some papers in front of her in what can only be described as a power move before she said “Are you ready?”

5 4 3 2 …

Suddenly the lights on the camera went on. This is the strangest interview I have ever been in. Perhaps this is similar to when they record phone calls for training and monitoring purposes. The lady across from me started to speak.

“Well, Guy Kewney is the editor of the technology website NewsWireless. Hello. Good morning to you.”

Wait. Did she just say ‘Guy Kewney’? That’s not my name. There’s no way I am able to keep this off my face. My eyes go wide and my mouth goes agape. My name is Guy Goma and I am here to interview for the position of a data support cleaner. I most certainly am not the editor of technology. Now I’m sweating bullets. I’m in a position I can’t get out of. I suppose I will just have to improvise.

“Good Morning.” I replied. “Were you surprised by the verdict today?” I think surprise is probably the most appropriate word right now. I came in for an interview for one job and ended up doing a completely different job LIVE on TV. “I’m very surprised to see this verdict to come on me because I was not expecting that. When I came, they told me something else, and I’m coming. You got an interview there. So it’s a big surprise, anyway.” Of course I was talking about my own situation but she simply responded with “So a big surprise?” and I confirmed. The next question was harder to give an improvised reply to.

“With regards to the cost that’s involved, do you think more people will download music online?” “Actually, if you can go everywhere you’re going to see a lot of people downloading into the internet and the website everything they want. But I think uh is much better for the development and improve for people to get what they want on the easy and so fast the things they are looking for.”

Looking back, people say I ‘predicted’ online music streaming. I however can tell you that in that moment, all I could think about was trying to keep a straight face.

The segment only lasted 30 seconds; 30 seconds until I was ushered out of the chair and back out of the door.

I never got that job in the end.